Who's Your Daddy?
by Brometheus
Summary: CRACK! when allen and kanda fall vitcim to an innocence side effect, guess who gets stuck babysitting? and what wont they stop calling him 'daddy? parental!lavi, Chibi!Allen and Chibi!Kanda and yes i know im evil, oh, and no pairings, just crack randomnes
1. Chapter 1

Who's Your Daddy?

**A/N: ok, yeah, I know I should be updating my already existing stories, but this little plot bunny was just screaming 'WRITE ME RIGHT NOW DAMNIT!" and I cant get any of my other stories written until I get this one off my chest and at the very least started. So, here we go!**

**Lavi: Nella Chan is still upset about Santa... and how she'll never own DGM through him.**

**Allen: but she still has hopes for the Easter bunny!**

**Nella: damn straight! –Sparkles appear around me- the Easter bunny will not let me down!!**

**Oh and if any of you are interested in what I listen to when I write, check out some of my playlists on YouTube, my username is Nella3333, I even have a few slideshows that I did myself! Even if they kinda suck. The playlist I'm listening to now is labelled "even MORE DGM stuff?!"**

**Right, well, now on to the story!**

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Chapter one: in a flash

Lavi glanced back and forth between his traveling companions. Allen was sleeping, face pressed against the window, neck bent at an angle that was going to hurt later, drool sliding down the once clean glass. Kanda, the ever stoic bastard was just sitting there, meditating, or day dreaming or whatever he did. Lavi sighed, and twiddled his thumbs in boredom. Sitting still and quiet sucked.

"Hey Yuu Chan... wanna prank Allen with me?" Lavi asked in a nasally whine, conveniently ignoring the icy glare the sword wielding teen sent at him.

"I have no need to get involved in your ridiculous antics." Lavi pouted at the cold reply but shrugged it off as he pulled out his favourite black marker.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Koumi had said that there was an innocence kicking around southern Ireland, Carlow the town was called if Lavi remembered correctly (which he did). A small port town, which they were to get to by boat after they got off the train that was speeding them towards the harbour their ship, was to depart from. Lavi checked his pocket watch, only half an hour more of this boring, silent, stuffy, and BORING train, before he could move around and annoy random people. Or Kanda. Kanda was always fun to annoy... Lavi was pulled out of his thoughts by the train jerking to a stop suddenly, and Allen was jerked out of his sleep, as he fell face fist into Lavi's lap.

"Whoa! Allen! I didn't know you felt that way!" Lavi grinned, amused to know end as the white haired boy looked up at him blearily, not yet comprehending the situation. Allen looked down, where he had landed, up at Lavi's still grinning face, down, up, down, up, before realisation spread across his face and his eyes widened to the size of plates.

"W-What!? I don't feel anything about you, in _that way!_ I was sleeping and I fell!" Allen jumped up and staggered back, blushing furiously and sputtering out a steady stream of embarrassed denials. Lavi was loving this, Allen was oh so much fun to embarrass, 

he always went so red. Allen, still struggling to get his balance back fell forward again when the train resumed its move forward, finding himself sprawled in a rather compromising position on Lavi's lap. _Again._ Sputtering and blushing an even darker shade of red, Allen tried to push himself off of Lavi. The train cart suddenly slid open, revealing a steward who was smiling.

"Sorry about that folks, the breaks went off kilter, but we have it fixed now..." the smiled slid off of the man's face and he gaped at the two exorcists for a moment. Kanda snorted in amusement.

"Its NOT what it looks like! Seriously! I was sleeping, then all of a sudden I was falling, then I get up and the train started moving again and I fell again and..." Allen's face was priceless. Lavi pushed the sputtering youth off of him, as he roared with laughter.

"Oh god Allen, the look on your face! You are really lucky I'm straight as a pole kid, otherwise I would jump yah." Allen stared at the redhead in horror, as his face drained of all its previous colour.

"Rabbit, bean sprout, shut the hell up and sit down." Kanda growled and the two complied more or less as the steward apologized and hastily made his retreat. Lavi was still giggling at the thoroughly embarrassed Allen and ignoring the eye daggers from the younger boy.

"I bet you drew on my face too." Allen sulked and Lavi just laughed harder.

"Yes he did." Kanda said in a dull monotone.

"Bastard." Allen glared at the redhead who was practically pissing himself laughing.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

After Allen washed the maker off his face (Which took a far amount of scrubbing to get off too) the rest of the train ride went by fairly uneventfully, if you consider a certain angered Japanese man chasing another certain red haired man around a train with a sword uneventful. When the trio finally arrived in the seaside town, they were all grouchy (Kanda), tired (Allen) and sore (Lavi) from the trip. The boat was to leave in an hour after their arrival in the town, and that suited Allen just fine, as he dragged his two comrades into the nearest cafe and proceeded to order everything off the menu.

Everything.

Off.

The menu.

Lavi and Kanda watched in mild horror as the skinny boy devoured the mountain of food that was placed in front of him.

'_Where does it all go?'_ they both wondered silently, trying to eat what they could, ignoring the boy as he sucked back enough food to feed both of them for a few days.

"So, mind filling me in on the mission specs? I haven't read them yet." Allen asked in between bites.

"Uhmm, sure Allen... there is a suspected innocence in Carlow, Ireland. There are an abnormal amount of akuma in the area, and none of the finders can get into a certain area, an old crypt, that apparently contains the innocence which local legend makes out 

to be a child's toy of some sort." Lavi said as he shielded him self from the particles of flying food with one of the menus. Allen finished his meal with a pitcher of apple juice, gulping the amber liquid down quickly, straight from the pitcher.

"Bean sprout, your table manners are horrible." Kanda glared at the white haired boy as he put the pitcher down.

"At least I'm not a human iceberg BaKanda." Allen glared back as he wiped juice from his mouth.

"Oh, a human iceberg, very original." Kanda rolled his eyes before slapping the money for the meal down on the table and standing, "We have ten minutes until the ship departs. I'm going there. I don't care what you two idiots do until then, but miss the ship and I will decapitate you both." With a final glare the Japanese walked out of the cafe and stormed down the street, cursing loudly in both English and his native tongue at people who happened to bump into him. Allen and Lavi walked out of the cafe after him and watched as he made his loud way down the street.

"Who shoved a stick up his ass?" Allen asked looking up at Lavi with a raised eyebrow.

"Whoever did, they got it pretty far up there." Lavi grinned down at the younger before they both broke out into loud laughter.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Allen was leaning on the steel railings that encircled the main deck, staring out at the sparkling water. Sunset was his favourite time of day; sunrise was beautiful sure, but way too early in the morning for the British teen's taste. Allen loved to look out at the sky when it was painted many different colours, making everything else seem gentle and relaxed as things winded down in preparation of night.

"Don't lean like that bean sprout. You'll fall in." Kanda snapped as he walked up beside Allen, who was almost doubled over; chin resting on his arms as he gazed out.

"I'll do what I want iceberg, and if I fall in you can say I told you so." Allen gave a half hearted glare at the older boy who snorted before turning to walk away. Allen looked back out at the sky and listened to Kanda's footsteps as the paused a few steps behind him.

"Is there something else you want Kanda?" Allen asked, in a bored tone.

"Yeah... I wanted to tell you something." There was something sinister in Kanda's voice, and Allen was immediately in 'alert for danger mode'.

"Oh? What?" Allen asked cautiously.

"I told you so."

"Wha-AHHH!!" Allen screamed as Kanda kicked him soundly on the backside, sending him flying over the railing and into the water below. Kanda smirked victoriously as Allen resurfaced sputtering.

"Heh, idiot." Kanda scoffed as Allen cursed him to the seven depths of hell.

"Yuu Chan..." Kanda turned and scowled at the redhead who was giving him a disapproving look.

"What?" Kanda glared.

"HOW COULD YOU PULL SUCH AN AWESOME PRANK WITHOUT MEEEE!" Lavi cried in anguish as he tackled the anti social samurai in a bone crushing hug.

"SCREW YOU LAVI!" Allen screamed up from the water as Kanda pried the hyper active 18 year old off him.

"I LOVE YOU TOO ALLEN!" Lavi yelled back as he peered over the edge of the ship.

"GO TO HELL!" Allen shouted and Lavi chuckled.

"YOU SHOULDN'T SAY SUCH ROMANTIC THINGS IN PUBLIC ALLY, YOU'LL MAKE ME BLUSH!" Lavi laughed as Allen sputtered in the water, before he too was kicked over the edge of the ship by a pissed off Kanda. Lavi emerged gasping for breath as Allen laughed at him, treading water all the while.

"What the hell Yuu?!"

"DON'T CALL ME BY MY FIRST NAME DAMNED RABBIT!!" Kanda roared down before stalking away.

"Hey, Lavi, when we get back up, we should throw HIM overboard." Allen grinned evilly and Lavi knew 'dark Allen' had made an appearance.

"Nah, we can be more creative than that! But, first thing first..." Lavi pulled out Oozuchi Kozuchi and pointed the small mallet downwards.

"Allen, grab my hand." Allen shot the redhead a look but complied, clasping his hand around Lavi's hand on the handle of his hammer.

"Ok, go."

"_Oozuchi Kozuchi! SHIN, SHIN, SHIN_!" the handle of the little mallet shot downwards until it struck the sea floor (1) and having no more room to go down, shot the two exorcists up and out of the water. Carefully aiming the edge of the handle, Lavi extended the handle until he and Allen were suspended over the deck before they both dropped ungracefully to the hard wooden planks.

"Oww!" they groaned in unison.

"Damn that Kanda, when I get my hands on him..." Allen growled out before his evil musings dropped into inaudible mutters and grumbles, as a dark purple aura surrounded him.

"Don't you mean when _we _get our hands on him?" Lavi and Allen grinned evilly at each other, before bursting out into sinister laughter, causing some of the other passengers to stare oddly at the cackling pair, surrounded by an evil aura.

In his room, Kanda sneezed.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Kanda snapped out of his peaceful meditation to giggling outside his door. He had a good idea who it was, so he decided to throw open the door and point Mugen menacingly at the obnoxious idiot who he knew was outside his door. The bean being there was a possibility, but Kanda knew for a fact the rabbit was there.

Gripping the knob, Kanda let his other hand rest threateningly on Mugen, pulling out about a centimetre of the blade from the sheath. Kanda threw the door open and had about two seconds before he was hit in the face with something rather sticky.

"What the hell?" he sputtered.

"NOW ALLEN!" Kanda heard the redheaded idiot yell before something else was dumped over his head. As Kanda cleared his eyes of the first substance, he looked down at his hands, which were now covered in feathers. Kanda blinked and shook his hand experimentally. The feathers swayed, but remained fastened to his hands. Glue...

"I. Am. Going. To._ KILL_. You. Both." Kanda snarled as the two laughed at him.

"Hey this is just payback for throwing us overboard!" Allen laughed at the royally piss Kanda Yuu.

"Yeah Yuu Chan! Don't get your knickers in a twist!" Lavi giggled as he took a few pictures.

"Don't get my knickers in a twist? DON'T GET MY BLOODY KNICKERS IN A TWIST?! ILL SHOW YOU RETARDS 'KNICKERS IN A TWIST'!!" Kanda roared and the two younger exorcists took off in a dead sprint away from the murderous samurai.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

The trio finally arrived in Carlow (after Kanda had a shower and changed his clothes of course) Kanda still throwing eye daggers at the thoroughly beaten boys as he pulled yet another stray feather out of his long, dark hair.

"Awww come on Yuu Chan! Stop glaring at us like that! You already beat us black and blue after we got revenge that we DESERVED so take a chill pill!" Lavi huffed as they neared the place where they were supposed to meet the finder. Kanda glared as he found yet another stray feather and Allen giggled. Kanda sent him a particularly icy glare and Allen raised his hands in surrender, smiling nervously.

"Che." Kanda scoffed and looked around for the finder.

"Ah! Exorcist Sama! Exorcist Sama! Over here!" they all turned to see a rather short woman with short mousey brown hair and bright green eyes running towards them, wearing a finder's uniform. She reached the trio of exorcists and rested her hands on her knees, panting. Allen waited patiently for her to catch her breath. She suddenly snapped her head up, moss green eyes bright with excitement.

"Hi there! I'm Lehanne Symington, but you can just call me Hanne (2)! I'm your finder for this mission! I'm 21 years old, blood type AB, I'm actually a Carlow native, and my favourite colour is orange." Hanne smiled enthusiastically jabbering on in her strong Irish accent as Kanda snorted.

"And we would care why?"

"I don't care if you don't care, this is how I introduce myself, so get used to it bud." Her grin widened as Kanda glared at the cheerful young woman.

"Ah, you're Kanda Yuu correct? The anti social samurai? Pleasure to meet you! What's your favourite colour?" Allen and Lavi gaped at the finder; she had bigger balls than many men they knew, men who literally melted into a puddle of fear when Kanda glared at them like that. Well, they gaped at her utter lack of fear, and her utter randomness.

"Che, why the hell would I tell you?" Kanda's glare intensified as Hanne's grin widened to the point Allen wondered if it would literally split her face.

"Well, I told you mine." She said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"I didn't ask for that useless piece of information, now what I want to hear from your annoying mouth is information about the mission, not god damned colours." Kanda spat. The short haired girl pouted slightly before sobering at an almost alarming rate.

"Very well, follow me, we can talk as we walk to the site, it's not far from here." The trio exchanged confused expressions at Hanne's sudden change in mood before following the exuberant girl.

"There is a legend here in Carlow I cant believe it didn't make me think of it sooner, my mama used to tell me the story herself when I was a kid, anyway, it goes something like this;" the woman paused and cleared her throat before speaking in a clear voice,

"There once was a boy, born right here in Carlow, but long, long before this place was know as Carlow. He was a good little boy, though no one remembers his name anymore. He was happy, he had kind parents who loved and treasured him, and they always had enough food on the table. They lived very close to their family tomb, but it wasn't a bad thing, they were able to pay respect and visit their lost relatives often, and that made his mother very happy. The boy's grandmother was in that tomb and his mother had been very sad when she died. One day, the boy's mother made to go out into the woods with his father like they did everyday to hunt and collect herbs for their supper, but she suddenly stopped. The boy and his father asked what was wrong but the mother wouldn't answer. Suddenly a strange demon sprang forth, killing the mother and father. The boy, frightened, ran into the tomb and barricaded the door shut, still holding his teddy bear. The demon could not enter the holy place and sank back into the earth. The boy sat in the tomb for a long time, speaking to his teddy, telling it that everything would be ok, comforting it they way he wished to be comforted. Suddenly the bear spoke back to him. It said 'child, stay here and watch over everyone with me for all of time, and you won't ever be scared or lonely.' The boy agreed and ever since they have stayed in the tomb together, watching over Carlow, and keeping the demon at bay." Hanne finished the legend with a thoughtful look, before looking Allen in the eyes and saying with a perfectly straight face,

"I always thought it was a crock of bullsh--." The three younger boys stopped and stared at her, even Kanda was blinking dumbly.

"Really?" Lavi recovered first.

"Yeah!" Hanne nodded enthusiastically "I mean, who ever heard of a talking bear? Well, it was probably innocence, if its real." She shrugged before her eyes darted forward.

"Ah! Here we are! The tomb of Carlow!" (3) She gestured grandly at an old marble tomb. "I can't get in there, and trust me I tried, so, you guys see what you can do, I have another mission in Peru! I'm really excited about it! Well I'll see you guys later! I left some other reports in a folder at the bed and breakfast on the east side of town called 'Moons Escape' so if you need any information its there! Bye guys! Nice meeting you all!" with that, Hanne ran down the street and disappeared around a corner.

"She was... interesting." Allen said slowly.

"She was insane." Kanda said blankly before walking over to the door of the tomb. Allen and Lavi followed, still slightly in shock from Hanne's interesting nature. Kanda pushed on the door and nearly fell over as it easily gave way under his weight. Allen and Lavi looked at each other in surprise before the three of them entered the tomb. The door slid shut with a bang and Allen sighed.

"Should have seen that coming." Lavi nodded and Kanda 'che'd '. The three incredibly hot exorcists made their was through the dark corridor, lead by the small light Timcampy gave off. They reached the end of the hall and it widened into good sized room.

"There!" Lavi pointed to a small teddy that was sitting innocently on a pedestal in the centre of the room.

"Yes, baka we can see." Kanda snapped and Allen rolled his eyes as they both moved forward to examine the doll.

"Guys, are you sure you should be getting so close to it? It is a possible innocence, it could cause a reactio-," Lavi was cut off by a bright flash of light, covering his eye, Lavi yelled for his friends, but didn't get an answer. After a moment the light faded and Lavi looked around, ignoring the dark spots he was seeing from looking at a bright light.

"Yuu Chan! Allen! Where are you guys?" there was a groan and Lavi started to move in its direction. Tim popped up beside him and the redhead grabbed the golden golem, using it as a flashlight. There was another groan and Lavi pointed the light in that direction, moving until he found a shape lying on the floor, white hair sticking out of the collar.

"Allen!" Lavi rushed over and went to shake the boy, "Huh?" Lavi blinked in shock for a second before he whipped around at the sound of another groan, not far off. Pointing Tim in the direction Lavi pin pointed another figure and dragged the sleeping Allen over to it.

"Y-Yuu Chan?" Lavi asked and tried to shake the Japanese awake, only to find him in the same state as Allen.

"What the hell is this? Tim, can you shine brighter?" Tim turned up the brightness until he was basically a flying lamp. '_Why the heck didn't he just do that in the first place?_' Lavi wondered before turning his attention to his friends. The redhead gaped for a second, before he realised what exactly he was seeing.

Both Allen and Kanda had been turned into six year old boys.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

CHAPTER END!

Whew, glad I got that out of the way. Damn my hand hurts. Stupid brother, kicking my hand like that, he knocked everything around and holy crapola it hurts like nothing else, seriously, my hand is burning, its hurting just to type, yet I'm doing it for you the readers. SO ENJOY!

(1) I have no idea weather they have to cross an ocean to get from England to Ireland, I didn't do ANY research for this, I just pulled everything out of my ass to be honest.

(2) Ok, Hanne's name is pronounced (ha-Anne) also she is loosely based off of a friend of mines personality. Hehe you know who you are –stares at my friend evilly-

(3) I have no idea if there are even any tombs in Ireland, like I said I pulled this all out of my ass, so, just imagine with me yes? Oh and, that 'legend' is fiction, as is the city of Carlow to my knowledge. So yeah.

Right well, hope you enjoy this crack, that I am using to relieve writers block! TTTT PEACE!


	2. Chapter 2

WHO'S YOUR DADDY!?

**A\N: so sorry for the long wait, my dad took me and my brother on a surprise vacation, two days before I got this done, so I'm actually writing this, laying on a futon, at 2 in the morning, in an otherwise empty bunkhouse outside of the main cottage with the rain coming down on the tin roof so loud I cant sleep at all, and I have to pee so bad I feel like my bladder is going to explode, but I don't want to go out in the rain and AH! It's been a great week so far but god I hate this moment in time. I'm just glad it's dry in here. Well, enough of my moaning and complaining, on to the disclaimer!**

**Allen: ****Nella Chan doesn't own DGM.**

**Lavi: but she has fun torturing the characters and/or making them gay for each other which she didn't do in this fan fiction thank god.**

**Nella: aw, Lavi don't lie, you think Allen is cute.**

**Lavi: well, put him in a dress, give him boobs and a female bottom portion and sure I would, but I don't swing that way.**

**Kanda: I though he was a girl for a second when I first saw him. That's why I didn't kill him.**

**Allen: WHAT!? –Twitch, twitch-**

**Lavi/Nella: ... –Backs away slowly- on to the story!**

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

_Recap: The redhead gaped for a second, before he realised what exactly he was seeing._

_Both Allen and Kanda had been turned into six year old boys. _

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Lavi sat there, staring at the two sleeping children for a moment. There was no way, no freaking _way_ that they were kids, right? It was physically impossible for them to be kids; it was defying the laws of time and space. But there they were, sleeping soundly. Lavi shook his head, rubbed his only visible eye and looked again, only to see that nothing had changed.

"Bloody hell." The redhead picked up and kid in each arm, shaking his head. Leave it to Allen and Kanda to get themselves into this kind of mess. Hey wait a second, wasn't it Lavi who was supposed to get into messes? The redhead tilted his head in confusion and sighed. Bundling up the small boys clad in clothing that was much too big for them, Lavi trudged out toward the exit of the tomb. Reaching the door, he kicked it, and to his surprise it opened.

"That was easy..." he mumbled to himself as he walked through the busy town, "Now to find that inn Hanne mentioned..."

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

It had taken 20 minutes of asking for directions, getting accused of being a rapist pedophile kidnapper and running away from a scary old lady with a cane and a mean left hook before Lavi finally found the inn, 'Moon's Escape'. 'What a corny name...' Lavi thought with a sigh as he walked in, still lugging the two sleeping boys along with him. The lady behind the desk eyed him suspiciously and Lavi smiled tiredly.

"Hi there, uhmm, my friend was here earlier, her name is Lehanne (1) Symington and..." Lavi was cut off by and hearty chuckle.

"Oh! You're Hanne's friends! Should have known. She didn't say there were kids coming, but oh well, come, come, I have a room for the three of you!" the inn keeper lead the rather tired redhead into a room and handed him the key.

"You need anything and you tell me right away, you hear? As soon as the tykes wake up, have them come and get some food, I'll take care of them!" the plump woman smiled warmly and Lavi nodded in thanks as he set the still sleeping boys on the large bed.

"Thank miss...?"

"Moon. Moon O'Hare. And you are...?

"Lavi bookman." Lavi grinned as the woman nodded.

"Right, well pleased to meet you Lavi! I'm right down the hall at the front desk if you need me!" Moon smiled and left Lavi alone with his newly found charges.

"Well, that explains the lame name... now, what to do with the two runts?" Lavi sighed and plopped down on a chair near the bed. Lavi stared intently at the two sleeping boys, willing them to wake. After about ten minutes he got bored, so he poked Tim as the flustered golem flew around his head. Tim growled (?) at Lavi and bit down on his finger.

"Ow!" Lavi shook Tim off and nursed his injured finger, glaring teary daggers at the flying golf ball.

"Meanie!" Lavi pouted and looked back over at the snoozing boys. Allen stirred slightly and opened his left eye blearily.

"What time is it?" he mumbled, voice slurred by sleep. He sat up and Lavi stared.

"Uhmm, hi!" Allen turned as Lavi spoke and blinked in confusion.

"Who are you?" the boy asked sleepily as he rubbed his eyes.

"I, uhmm, well I..." Lavi trailed off, more than a little put off by Allen not being able to recognize him.

"Are you my daddy?" Allen asked innocently and Lavi's eye(s?) widened.

"Uhmm, no! I mean uh..." Lavi scratched the back of his head sheepishly. He never had been very good with kids.

"Daddy, where am I?" Allen asked, as he started to wake up.

"Oh, we're in a hotel, and please don't call me daddy!" Lavi blushed lightly as Allen tipped his head in confusion.

"Why not daddy?" Allen was still a bit hazy with sleep.

"Because it makes me feel weird..." Lavi shifted uncomfortably as Allen stared at him.

"Why?"

"I don't know! Why do you keep asking questions!" Lavi shot back.

"Because..." Allen pouted and crossed his arms, noticing the length for the first time, "Daddy! My clothes are too big!" Allen whined as he tried to stand up on the bed, effectively tripping over the oversized pants and landing on Kanda with a muffled thump.

"Ah, what the heck?" the Japanese boy asked sleepily as he pushed Allen off of him, "I was sleeping you know." He said quietly, much to Lavi's surprise. For some reason, Lavi had always pictured Kanda as a violent little boy, even more so than he was a violent teenager, but this little Kanda seemed rather mellow compared to his normal personality.

"Sorry brother, I was trying to stand but my pants are too big!" Allen grinned as Kanda rolled his eyes. Wait, what? Lavi blinked; did Allen just call Kanda 'brother'?

"Its ok." Kanda glanced around the room, sleepy blue eyes resting on the redhead who was trying to keep his head from exploding.

"Who's that?" he asked, pulling on Allen's sleeve timidly as he pointed at Lavi.

"That's our daddy!" Allen chirped happily.

"Oh... ok. What's your name?" Kanda poked the white haired boy beside him and Allen grinned.

"I'm Allen, your big brother! What's your name?"

"I'm Yuu, and why are you the big brother? You look the same age as me..." Kanda pouted lightly. Lavi almost keeled over right then and there, Kanda actually wanted to be called by his first name?! What kind of sick and twisted game was this?!

"I'm the older one because I said so Yuu! Besides, I'm bigger and louder!" Allen's grin widened as Kanda sighed and nodded.

"Well, now that that's out of the way, daddy! We need new clothes!" Allen slid off the bed and tugged at Lavi's pant leg. The redhead smiled warily.

"R-right... well, uhmm, I will go talk to moon and see if she has anything that will fit you until we go buy some. And don't call me daddy!" Lavi felt so awkward around Allen and Kanda with them like this. Kids always made him feel awkward, even when he was a kid himself. Panda had always said he was the worst person to comfort a crying child, never knew the right thing to say and always ended up making things worse, hell even the withered old panda was better with kids than Lavi for gods sake! Lavi slipped out of the room as Allen continued to chatter happily to his 'brother'. Walking down the hall he quickly found moon sitting behind he desk, reading a romance novel and sniffling.

"Uhmm, moon?" Lavi asked uncertainly and the stout woman's head shot up in surprise.

"Ah! Lavi, what can I do for you?" she asked as she brushed away a lone tear.

"Well, the kids just woke up, and I was wondering if maybe you had some more suitable clothing for them we could barrow? Our luggage was lost and I had to let them wear some of my clothes, and they don't fit at all." Lavi laughed sheepishly and rubbed the back of his neck. He shifted uncomfortably as the woman almost started glowing with eagerness.

"Yes! I still have some clothes from my son when he was a little boy that would fit them like a glove!" Moon smiled brilliantly before scurrying off in search of said clothing. Lavi sighed, what was with women and wanting to spoil other people's children? Lavi stood in the lobby awkwardly for a moment before Moon came skipping back into the room, a huge bundle of children's clothing in her arms.

"Here we are! You go get them dressed and I'll start making some food for them!" the middle aged woman shooed Lavi away and disappeared into the kitchen. Lavi blinked down at the heap of clothing that had been shoved into his hands and hoped that Kanda and Allen could find something to wear. Trudging back towards the room, struggling with the load of clothing, trying not to drop anything on his way Lavi tried to think of a way to open the door without putting the clothing down. As Lavi reached the door he paused, wondering if Allen or Kanda would open the door if he knocked when his question was answered. By a large wooden door being thrown open and hitting him in the face.

"Daddy! Daddy! Come see what Allen's doing! It's dangerous! You have to stop him!" a very flustered six year old Kanda ran out and grabbed Lavi's arm, ignoring the slightly dazed look on the redheads face and bleeding nose, he dragged Lavi along with the bundle of clothes into the room. Lavi shook his head and blinked as Kanda pointed accusingly at Allen. The white haired boy was jumping on the bed laughing.

"Oh come on Yuu! Stop being such a twat and jump with me!" Kanda huffed and crossed his arms.

"I don't even know what a twat is!" he pouted and Allen laughed. Allen's British accent was more pronounced as a child it seemed, it was much rougher and obviously picked up off the streets, but Lavi couldn't help but think it was cute. Kanda had a bit of a Japanese accent too, but it wasn't as pronounced as Allen's.

"Well that's cuz I'm smarter!" Allen crossed his arms as he bounced up and down on the bed, nodding wisely.

"Daddy! Make him stop calling me names I don't understand!" Kanda whined and Lavi sighed.

"Allen, come on, get off the bed, we need to pick out some clothes that the nice lady gave us. And don't call Yuu Chan names, otherwise I'll tell him some names to call you that you wont understand and we'll see how you feel." Lavi felt part of his pride die as he said that, he sounded like a father!

"Yes daddy..." Allen pouted but slid off the bed and started to go through the clothing.

"You too Yuu Chan."

"Ok..." Kanda nodded timidly and Lavi felt himself having a hard time connecting the surly 18 year old swordsman with the timid boy who was currently sorting through the clothing. Allen pulled out a plain button up white dress shirt and smiled.

"Hey! I think this will fit me!" yanking off the oversized shirt he had on Allen pulled on the much smaller garment and attempted to button it up, failing miserably. Lavi chuckled and pushed the young boy's clumsy hands out of the way.

"Here, let me do it Allen." Allen smiled sheepishly as Lavi quickly did the shirt up it was a bit baggy, but it would due for now, "There, all done!" Lavi patted the top of Allen's head and the boy grinned.

"Thanks daddy! But I think Yuu Chan needs some help too!" Lavi turned and laughed as Kanda struggled to get a too big sweater over his head.

"Help! I'm drowning!" Kanda's voice was muffled by the fabric and Lavi helped him tug the piece of clothing down.

"There we go, all better?" Kanda smiled shyly and nodded.

"Lets find some pants Yuu Chan!" Allen dove energetically back into the pile and began throwing things all over. Lavi sighed and leaned down to pick up Allen's original shirt before a pair of pants smacked him in the face.

"Oi! Watch where you're throwing things!" Lavi grumbled and tossed the pants back in Allen general direction. Said white haired boy grinned mischievously and balled up an unused shirt. Kanda looked at him apprehensively and sighed.

"Allen Nii..."

"Quiet Yuu Chan, I'm just having some fun! Don't be such a wet blanket!" Allen chucked the piece of clothing at Lavi at it hit the target.

"Hey! What was that for?" Lavi grumbled as Allen started chucking random articles of clothing at him.

"CLOTHES FIGHT!" Allen yelled happily as he pelted both Kanda and Lavi with random items.

"Allen nii! Stop!" Kanda begged from beneath the shirt that Allen had chucked in his face.

"Make me!" Allen laughed as he yanked on a pair of pants before continuing his assault. Suddenly with a battle cry Lavi started throwing random pieces of clothing back at Allen and they both laughed as they dodged the flying objects. Kanda sighed and tried to find a pair of pants that would fit his thin waist as the two older boys threw things at each other. Allen was about to lob a bunched up shirt at Lavi's face when a sudden roar interrupted him. Kanda and Lavi stared in wonder at the boy who dropped the shirt and blushed.

"Heh, guess I'm a little hungry..." the white haired boy rubbed the back of his head sheepishly and Lavi laughed.

"Well, the beast has awakened. Ok, we'll help Yuu Chan find some pants and we'll get some grub." Allen nodded and they began searching for the pants. After about 30 seconds of looking Allen started to whine about being hungry.

"If you stopped whining and started looking, we would be able to eat sooner." Lavi told him matter o factly and that sent Allen off on a 'finding Yuu Chan's pants' mission. Kanda held up a pair to himself that seemed to fit and Allen practically stuffed the Japanese boy into them and dragged both Lavi and Kanda out of the room.

"Food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food, food!" Allen chanted as moon came out of the kitchen.

"Awww! You two look so cute in my mark's clothes!" she cooed as she smoothed Allen's unruly hair gently.

"Thank you! Food?" Allen asked with big innocent eyes.

"I hope you made lot s, Allen here has a huge appetite!" Lavi grinned and Allen nodded enthusiastically.

"Well, you're in luck, I always make lots of food!" moon laughed and lead the three boys into the kitchen. Setting a hearty plate in front of all three, it wasn't long before Allen was asking for seconds, then thirds... then fourths... then... fifths... and sixths... moon could only watch in wonder as the skinny six year old boy packed away more than most grown men could eat.

"You... weren't kidding when you said he had a big appetite..." Lavi laughed and affectionately knuckled Allen's head.

"When it comes to this kid's beast of a stomach, even I can only stare in wonder sometimes and I've known him few quite a while." Allen nodded as he gulped down a tall glass of water, and waited for the others to finish. Kanda was staring at Allen with wide, disbelieving eyes and Allen took the opportunity to try and steal some of the Japanese boy's food, which lead to a fork war that Allen won; no one could ever beat him when I came to attacking things with a fork (1).

"You're mean Allen nii. That was my food; you've had way more than me!" Kanda pouted and Allen's usually sweet smile turned positively evil.

"All is fair in love, war and food little brother." Kanda huffed and glared playfully as he stuffed the rest of his food into his mouth to keep it away from Allen's wandering fork.

"You two are brothers?" Moon asked sceptically.

"Probably not, but that's ok, Yuu can be my brother anyway!" Allen smiled and moon hugged him.

"Ah! Such a sweet caring boy! You're a wonderful little person Allen!" moon hugged the poor boy so hard he was having a hard time breathing. Lavi chuckled and Kanda gave Allen the 'this-is-what-you-get-for-stealing-my-food' look.

"Moon, don't smother the poor boy." Lavi laughed, gently prying the panting Allen from the middle aged woman.

"But little boys are made for cuddling until they reach puberty and get all perverted." Moon winkled her nose and Kanda tilted his head in confusion.

"Daddy, what's perverted?" he asked and Lavi froze. 'Oh crap... how to explain this one...'

"Something you never want a lady to call you." He tried to sound wise and all knowing and intelligent. Moon laughed and Kanda furrowed his eyebrows before nodding.

"Ok..." he looked around, bored and Allen poked him.

"POKE WAR!!" Allen bellowed and Kanda glared. They started to mercilessly poke each other in the same spot over and over, waiting for the other to give in and surrender. Lavi laughed at their serious expressions and moon just smiled.

"Well, I need to make a phone call. Could you watch them for a bit moon?" the woman nodded as she watched the poke war of epic proportions reach a new level as Allen started making faces at Kanda. Lavi left and all but ran to their bedroom, throwing 

open the door and lunging for the telephone. The redhead ripped out his golem and connected it to the cords, dialling the number faster than he had thought possible. It rang, once, twice, three times, Lavi was about to blow when a coffee high Koumi answered the phone.

"Hello this is Koumi! How may I help-,"

"KOUMI!! WE HAVE TO RETURN RIGHT NOW!!" Lavi almost screamed into the phone.

"Lavi? Why? What's wrong? What about the innocence? What about Allen and Kanda?" Koumi went serious at Lavi's frantic tone.

"What? Oh, they're fine; it's... just uhmm..." Lavi trailed off and rubbed the back of his neck.

"Yes Lavi? What is it?"

"LAVI!! ARE YOU OK?! IS ALLEN DEAD?! DID KANDA GET INJURED OR DID THEY BOTH LOSE THEIR MEMORIES, OR DID THEY BOTH GET THEIR INNOCENCE DESTROYED OR-,"

"Lenalee! Calm down! Its fine, everyone is fine, no one is injured or dead, as for the innocence, give me a second to check something." Lavi smiled, Lenalee must have picked up an extension to Koumi's phone when she heard him talk in a serious voice, as he put the phone beside the cradle and walked over to the bed. After a moment of rummaging Lavi turned up the battered teddy bear from between the sheets and sighed in relief.

"Koumi? Lenalee? You two still there?" Lavi asked as he picked the phone back up.

"Yes, Lavi, why do you need to return now?" Koumi seemed less worried now, more confused.

"Well, we recover the innocence pretty easily, no sign of any akuma or Noah yet."

"I sense a 'but' coming." Lenalee said nervously.

"Allen and Kanda were... affected by the innocence."

"Affected? How?" Koumi asked and Lavi sighed.

"Trust me, as soon as we get back, you'll know." Lavi chuckled and glanced nervously at the door as a loud crash echoed through the walls.

"What was that?"

"I had better go check it out. We'll be leaving tomorrow for home. See you soon Koumi." Lavi hung up and hurried out into the kitchen.

"Wah!! Allen! Put that down!!"

"Allen nii! Get rid of it!"

"But it's cool!" Lavi opened the door and burst out laughing. Allen was standing there, holding a mouse by the tail while moon stood on a chair on the other side of the kitchen with Kanda clinging to her like she was a lifeline.

"A-Allen, here, give it to me, I'll go put it outside." Lavi gasped out between breaths.

"Awww..." Allen pouted but put the squirming animal in Lavi's outstretched hand.

"Ok, I'll be right back, no more jokes huh?" Lavi gave him a look and Allen looked down guiltily.

"Yes daddy."

"Ok, good, I'll let this little guy out into the wild."

"Make sure that nothing hurts him!" Allen called as Lavi left and the redhead nodded.

"He'll be fine, he'll go back to live with his mouse family ok?" Allen smiled and nodded. 'Hey, maybe I'm better at this parenting stuff than I thought!' Lavi smiled as he walked out of the inn, letting the mouse go in a clump of bushes a little ways away from the building.

"DADDY!" Lavi jerked in surprise before racing back to the inn at Allen's terrified scream. He open the door, expecting to find the boogie man or the earl standing there about to kill Allen from the scream, but he only found an ordinary man, moon and Kanda trying to console Allen.

"Allen, there's nothing wrong, why are you so scared?" moon asked gently.

"Can't you see it? How can't you see it?!" Allen cried, his little hands covering his face.

"See what Allen nii?"

"That monster!" Allen cried, pointing at the man eyes squeezed shut, "It-it was hanging onto that man..." Lavi rushed over and stepped between the three and the man, eyeing him suspiciously.

"Allen dear, this man is a very good friend of mine, his name is Joe, and I assure you, there is no monster in or around him." Moon told Allen gently.

"Care to show your true form akuma?" Lavi asked 'Joe' coldly. The man sputtered for a moment before growling.

"Damn, Exorcists." And with that, promptly exploded into a level two akuma that looked like some kind of octopus with sharp razors on its tentacles. Kanda gaped in horror and took a step backward as moon screamed and Allen stared at the akuma, tears streaming down his face.

"It's so sad..." moon grabbed him and Kanda, yelling for Lavi to join them.

"Get them to safety moon, I can handle this guy." Lavi grinned back at them before pulling out his Oozuchi Kozuchi out and enlarging it.

It was a quick battle. The akuma had only just levelled up so it wasn't much of a challenge to destroy it, although a good part of Moon's Inn was demolished.

"I'm really sorry about this moon. I tried to keep damage to a minimum..." Lavi rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly as Allen bawled into his shoulder and Kanda clung to the leg of his baggy pants.

"It's alright my dear, that was an akuma right? I'm glad you were able to destroy it."

"You know about akuma?" Lavi asked, surprised.

"Hanne is my niece; I raised her and her twin brother, Mark from when they were babies, their parents were killed in an accident. Mark passed away last year in an akuma attack, so Hanne became a finder. Joe was mark's best friend, but I never told him about akuma, so that was probably mark's soul. I'm just glad you gave my mark peace. Thank you." Lavi smiled and nodded.

"We have to get going. Send the bill to us, the black order will take care of you." Moon nodded and Lavi started to walk away. He decided to go see when the next boat was leaving for the English coast when moon called out to him.

"Take care of those boys Lavi!" the red head turned and grinned.

"I will moon, take care!" Lavi repositioned the now sleeping Allen in his arms and picked up Kanda.

"Right, well, let's go see when the next boat leaves yeah?"

"Ok daddy." Kanda smiled shakily and rested his head on Lavi's strong shoulder.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

-**Chapter End- **

**Ending notes: well, that was a fun chapter! Hope you all enjoy it! Oh, and I want to shamelessly advertize for a second here, hold on... –Clears throat-...**

**GO TO THE 'D. GREYMAN CENTRAL' FORUM! GREAT TOPICS, GREAT CONVERSATION, ALL DGM!! (MOSTLY WE DO GET OFF TOPIC SOMETIMES) SECOND FROM THE TOP, STARTED BY 'Glacier Alchemist' IT'S AN AWESOME FORUM!! **

**Right, anyway, next chapter: Lavi and the kids travel by boat and train back to the order! Stay tuned! **


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